Great post. I have two boys very close in age so sharing is something we've had to think about alot. We take the "when you're done please let him play with it" and "he's not finished yet but when he is it's your turn" approach. Mostly it works well, and my son's now have a really great approach to actually sharing, instead of sharing because they're being made to - I've even overheard them saying "you like it more so you can have it" and the like. They're 2 and 4, so sometimes there's still screaming when we explain it's not someone's turn yet, but it can usually be sorted by setting a timer to mark the end of someone's turn 😅
So often, what we call “teaching generosity” is actually coercion in disguise — and kids can feel that. What I love about this piece is how it flips the script: generosity isn’t about giving up your toy because someone else demands it, it’s about feeling secure enough to want to give.
The line that really stuck with me: “A kind and caring spirit can’t be forced, but it can be encouraged to grow.” That’s the heart of it. We’re not raising obedient robots — we’re raising future adults who know how to value their time, energy, and belongings while still being compassionate.
This is a great post and I so agree that changing the focus from sharing to generosity is really powerful.
Great post. I have two boys very close in age so sharing is something we've had to think about alot. We take the "when you're done please let him play with it" and "he's not finished yet but when he is it's your turn" approach. Mostly it works well, and my son's now have a really great approach to actually sharing, instead of sharing because they're being made to - I've even overheard them saying "you like it more so you can have it" and the like. They're 2 and 4, so sometimes there's still screaming when we explain it's not someone's turn yet, but it can usually be sorted by setting a timer to mark the end of someone's turn 😅
This is a brilliant reframing.
So often, what we call “teaching generosity” is actually coercion in disguise — and kids can feel that. What I love about this piece is how it flips the script: generosity isn’t about giving up your toy because someone else demands it, it’s about feeling secure enough to want to give.
The line that really stuck with me: “A kind and caring spirit can’t be forced, but it can be encouraged to grow.” That’s the heart of it. We’re not raising obedient robots — we’re raising future adults who know how to value their time, energy, and belongings while still being compassionate.
"No forced sharing" can change a family's entire dynamic and create positive sibling bonds. Thank you for articulating the practice clearly. 👍