No more drop-off meltdowns
Peaceful drop-offs start at home
Do you remember your first day of school or daycare? Maybe you were bouncing off the walls, excited to learn and make new friends.
Or maybe, like many children, you experienced a wave of separation anxiety as your mom or dad dropped you off and disappeared for hours.
If your little one now struggles with the same panic, we get it. Powering through drop-off without tears can be hard.
Even so, you’re not a bad parent for bringing your child to school or daycare. Quite the opposite! Investing in your little one’s education is a great (and necessary) gift.
Still, knowing this doesn’t make it easier to carry your toddler into class when they’re begging you to stay.
So, why do kids get separation anxiety anyway?
Why children experience separation anxiety
While not every child struggles with it, separation anxiety is normal. It typically doesn’t indicate a problem with either your little one or their care situation.
Interestingly, babies often don’t experience this anxiety — until they hit certain developmental milestones that is.
Between four and seven months old, children become more aware of movement in their environment (and more mobile themselves). This means they readily recognize when we’re leaving them.
*cue panic*
Here are a few strategies to help both you and your child cope with your drop-off woes:
How to handle separation anxiety before drop-off
There are plenty of preemptive practices you can incorporate at home to help with separation anxiety.
For instance, in the days and weeks leading up to the start of school, explain to your toddler exactly how their new routine will go. You can say something like:
“First, we’ll drive to your new school. We’ll say hello to the person at the front desk and then walk to your classroom. That’s where we’ll find your cubby and put away your backpack and lunchbox. Then, we’ll say hello to your teacher and find your seat.”
By doing this every day (and letting your child act it out if they want to), you’ll help your little one feel more secure during drop-off. You can even turn it into a game by asking, “What comes next?” as you move through your morning routine.
Another practice we love is coming up with a special goodbye routine. You might say, “See you later, alligator!” and have your child respond, “After a while, crocodile!” Alternatively, you might agree on a certain number of hugs and/or kisses at drop-off and practice this at home.
For babies, you can create a home routine where you do or say something specific every time you set them down for a bit. Then, you can repeat that routine when you drop them off at daycare to make the transition smoother.
But what about in the heat of the moment — the much-anticipated drop-off?
How to handle separation anxiety during drop-off
As a parent, the best thing you can do for your child during drop-off is remain calm and upbeat. Aim to demonstrate that you feel good about their school or daycare routine. After all, they’re going to learn, play, and have a great time with their friends!
Moreover, try to keep your goodbyes short and sweet — even if your child starts crying. The more worry you demonstrate and the more comfort you attempt to offer, the more inconsolable your toddler will become.
You can also let your child know when you’ll be back to pick them up by referencing their school or daycare routine. You might say, “After you have a snack and play outside, I’ll be back to pick you up.” This way, they know exactly what to expect later in the day.
Perhaps the most important thing to remember is… your child won’t stop crying until you leave! Our instinct is never to leave when our child is crying — and yet, the reality is that the child can’t move past the fact that you’re leaving until you’re actually gone.
That’s when their teacher will be able to gently and skillfully start enticing your child with all the wonderful, exciting things there are to explore in the classroom. Only by focusing your child on all the positives will they be able to overcome the negative experience of having you leave. While you’re still there, the pull will just be too strong!
Keep in mind that every child adjusts at their own pace. Some may struggle with separation anxiety for a day or two, some for weeks, and some may always have a sniffle when you leave.
As long as we’re able to connect with our children and help them find interest and excitement in going to class, tears at drop-off are normal and okay.
☀️ This week’s bright spots:
If you have one minute… Simple ways to let your toddler get involved in the kitchen.
If you have five minutes… Find out how Montessori consistently taught 3- and 4-year-olds to read.
If you have ten minutes… Read why practice is more important than we realize.