Kids need role models. Here's how to find them.
If it's hard to motivate your child, find them a role model.
As parents, we feel so much pressure to be the perfect role models for our kids. We strive to embody good health, financial stability, kindness, and generosity because we want to give our kids the world — even if we can’t control everything about it.
But in reality, we don’t need to be the one perfect role model (or control the world!). Instead, we can provide our kids with lots of different examples of what it looks like to be a successful, happy, healthy adult.
Just imagine how empowering it would be for any child to be surrounded by examples of adults who each lead successful, flourishing (and totally unique!) lives.
Based on their needs and interests, you can prepare your child’s environment with mentors and guides, who can help your child:
Discover themselves
See what’s possible and land opportunities
Find support and inspiration
Here’s why this matters so much:
The power of good role models
Remember your own childhood heroes? Maybe one of your teachers recognized your talent in a specific subject and took you under her wing. Or maybe one of your coaches commanded your respect by accepting nothing less than your best.
Good role models give children the confidence they need to learn, explore, and create.
It’s what Samantha Westmoreland realized when her stepson started practicing taekwondo:
“It’s usually challenging to motivate him, but his taekwondo master maintains the perfect balance of high expectations and encouragement. As a result, he’s now committed to the practice. It’s been the best thing for him!”
When we surround our kids with mentors and guides, we give our children something to emulate — examples, not just of the jobs they can do, but of the kinds of people they can become.
The community in which you raise your child affects who they grow up to be. That’s why we strive to surround our kids with people of outstanding character, people our children want to emulate, people we trust.
What to look for in a role model
So… what are the traits that make someone a good role model for your child? This will depend on your goals, but good places to start include:
Optimism and idealism
Modeling a growth mindset when there are challenges/setbacks
Passion and strong work ethic
Respect, including allowing your child to try new things independently
Expertise and professionalism in their field of work
In her book, Spontaneous Activity in Education, Maria Montessori put it like this:
“Our care of the child should be governed, not by the desire ‘to make him learn things,’ but by the endeavor always to keep burning within him that light which is called the intelligence.”
In other words, the best mentor will be one who doesn’t just teach your child, but who encourages your child to learn for themselves.
The taekwondo instructor who has been so transformative for Samantha’s stepson doesn’t just teach him the fundamentals of the practice or how to do it well. He also encourages and expects him to do his best — which encourages him to learn independently.
Ultimately, the most important thing to seek in a role model is that they have respect for your child and a belief that your kid is capable of doing hard things on their own.
How to find good role models
If you’re not sure where to start looking for role models for your child, use this process:
Make a list of your child’s interests
Seek out extracurriculars/activities that align with those interests
Let your child take the lead wherever possible
The goal is to connect your child with adult role models who are already doing whatever your kid wants to learn (or could potentially want to learn once they see someone impressive).
This could look like:
Enrolling your child in sports so they can interact with coaches
Bringing your bibliophile to the library so they can speak with the librarian
Spending time at the county park so your aspiring naturalist can meet the pros
Letting your future doctor shadow your family physician/chiropractor and ask questions
As your child’s interests grow and evolve, you can introduce them to new mentors and guides, constantly cultivating an environment full of opportunities, support, and inspiration.
We think Grace Llewellyn said it best in The Teenage Liberation Handbook:
“To reach your fullest potential, you need mentors, role models, and teachers… No one should be bossing you around or giving you unsolicited report cards, but these guides can help push and encourage you to do things you might not be gutsy, determined, or skilled enough to do on your own.”
But what if there isn’t anyone in your local area who can serve as a role model for your child’s interests?
Maybe your child loves art, but you don’t know anyone who has made a career as an artist.
That’s where the Internet comes in — social media makes it more possible than ever for kids to see all the things a person can do with their life.
Encourage your kids to find role models online who are doing cool projects related to your child’s interests — whether that’s growing their own permaculture garden, designing their own videogames, or sewing their own clothes.
Surrounded by a community of confident and capable humans (online or off), your kid will naturally grow into a confident, capable human themselves.
☀️ This week’s bright spots:
If you have 1 minute…
Watch this video on everything students learn from working with the Montessori pink block tower.
If you have 5 minutes…
Read this piece by
on the importance of risky play.If you have one hour…
Listen to Laura Mazer (Guidepost’s VP of Programs) talk about building the future of Montessori education on the Hannah Frankman podcast.