If your kids are bouncing off the walls, try this
Kids won't calm down until their minds are engaged
In Montessori’s very first classroom, she observed something that took her completely by surprise: the young children, all between 2 and 7 years old, had become calm, peaceful, and focused.
Rather than screaming, rough-housing, and mess-making, the children in Montessori’s classroom…
Delighted in quiet
Took pride in keeping things clean and orderly, and
Spent long amounts of time in a state of flow, working and learning with joy.
But over her career, Montessori observed children all over the world—from India to Japan to America and Australia—transform in the classrooms that used her methods.
But… how was it possible? And can we harness this possibility at home too?
Kids don’t need to “burn off energy”
Has this ever happened to you?
You have a fun activity planned for the day—maybe a trip to the trampoline park or the zoo—and you imagine that all the excitement and physical activity will wear your child out, resulting in a calm evening and an early bedtime… only to have that bubble burst once you get back home.
Despite your best efforts, you find yourself instead with wound-up, excited kids, perhaps having tantrums or meltdowns, and seemingly no end to their energy in sight.
You’re not alone.
It’s a common idea that if we get kids active, that we’ll be rewarded later on with peace and quiet. Unfortunately, this is rarely the case. And even if that does work out on an occasional evening, you’re back at square one again in the morning.
The result, in any case, is not a child who is characteristically calm and peaceful.
Of course, characteristically doesn’t mean always. Every child will still have their moments, and most children will struggle with transitions or changes in their routine. But on the whole, kids are capable of being calm and focused.
But how?
Through her work, Montessori came to the conclusion that we were wrong to think that children needed to physically “burn off energy” in order to become calm.
Indeed, children don’t need to be exhausted at all—they just need to be energized in the right way.
Unity of mind & body
Montessori discovered that children need to do more than just move their bodies to be satisfied; they need to have an “intelligent aim” for their movements.
In other words, they need a purpose: a goal to pursue, however small, and the opportunity to pursue it intellectually just as much as physically.
Because as energetic as children can be, their minds are even more eager to be exercised.
There are few things more motivating to a young child than understanding something new or acquiring some new ability—even if it’s just learning the kind of tree growing in their front yard… or how to open the child-safe locks on our cupboard doors. 🙃
The Montessori approach is designed, with every activity and the very structure of the classroom itself, to help the child think carefully and creatively and use their body in an intelligent and purposeful manner.
Whether a child is solving the cylinder knob puzzle, carefully composing words with the moveable alphabet, or sweeping the floor after snack time, they are using their mind and body together in unity to achieve their purpose.
And it is this unity that satisfies a child.
Observe, for example, as one of our own children works to stack a set of measuring cups at home:
Though it’s obvious that it takes a decent amount of hand-eye coordination for her to stack all the measuring cups from largest to smallest, this is not merely a physical task—it’s an intellectual one too.
She …
Considers her options carefully
Tries out various theories
Problem-solves with purpose until she reaches her goal and exclaims “Yay!” with delight.
We call this kind of activity a ‘virtuous cycle’. The mind chooses a purpose and sends directions to the hand; the hand performs the instruction; the mind observes the result and sends a new instruction and so on.
But this cycle doesn’t lead a child to fatigue, as one might expect. Instead, the child emerges with a new kind of energy.
Not the bouncing-off-the-walls kind of energy (thankfully!), but the kind that adds a bounce to your step. It’s a feeling of peace and fulfillment, almost like stepping out in the fresh air on a cool morning.
And it’s this habitual experience of appropriate and engaging challenge and then satiation that leads to a transformation of the child’s character.
Tips to try—but remember, progress takes time
The next time you notice your child acting restless or destructive out of boredom, try to find something they can do that will engage both their mind and body.
Start simple: The best options to start with are often the most simple. Things like this measuring cup stacking activity, pouring water from one pitcher to another, or a detailed lesson on how to thoroughly wash one’s hands are great options.
Get practical: Things like chopping a banana, wiping up a spill, or putting a shoe on and taking it back off are meaningful and delightful for young children because they are real, have real results that matter, and are the kinds of activities necessary for succeeding at life… just like an adult. And they want to be just like you!
Add challenge to familiar tasks: You can also try adding challenges to familiar tasks that lead in a quieter, more careful direction. For example, inviting a child to carry or do something sooo quietly that you can’t hear them from across the room, or to pick up an item sooo gently that nothing else in a container is disturbed is often more engaging (and ultimately more fulfilling) to a child than the kind of activity that encourages a boisterous release of energy by running around in circles or screaming.
This is because the invitation to be quiet or careful while doing a task is really an invitation to think and be more purposeful. It’s an invitation to unite mind and body in order to gain self-mastery.
Order and organization: Tasks that are multi-step and which require the child to complete them in order to get the desired result (such as first putting water in a bucket, then dousing a sponge, adding soap to a sponge, then scrubbing etc. in order to clean a table) engage the child’s mind. They not only have hold their goal in mind, they have to remember each step and problem-solve as they go.
The more you can break down any task into a series of simple steps that the child must remember and follow one by one, building in complexity over time, the more engaged and satisfied they will be.
Use language and vocabulary: Young children also find tasks with language and vocabulary to be really stimulating. You could play an I-Spy game, similar to the sound games we use in the classroom, where you ask a child to find or do something with an object in your home based on the beginning, middle, or ending sound in the object’s name.
Wherever you begin, just know that progress takes time.
Even in a fully equipped Montessori classroom with every material and support imaginable, we don’t expect children to become calm and focused overnight. It can take time to find the right activity that will deeply engage any particular child, and time to work up the ability to concentrate and persist, even when frustrated.
Progress, too, is often not linear. A child who has worked up to being able to concentrate for 15 whole minutes on a task may drop down to 0 minutes for a time, before suddenly jumping up again to focusing for 30 minutes or more.
But regardless of your child’s own journey, the end result of calm focus, budding self-confidence, and self-control are the sweetest rewards.
☀️ This week’s bright spots:
If you have one minute… Watch our video on how to help your child learn to regulate their emotions.
If you have five minutes… Read our guide on how to help your child develop self-discipline.
If you have ten minutes… Read this article to go deeper into how Montessori helps kids become more responsible.
LOVE the concept of the importance of the mind AND body being engaged! Thank you for sharing!